Dude, THEY Read My Blog!!!!!!!!

Remember this post?

Well, check this out!

Spooky.........now, where the eff is my finders fee?

Later and have a jolly weekend, y'all!

You Can't Handle the Randomness!

Yeah, yeah, yeah. A day late and a dollar short.

Tell it to my pimp!




My friend from New Orleans had bought me the tiny "Pimpin' Your Pumpkin" kit from Barnes and Noble. We found a pumpkin at Wal-Mart that was just perfect and we decorated that bitch up!

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Know what I did this past weekend?

Made a hermit crab cage!

Yeppers. With my own two little hands.

I bought the wire cover, snagged an extra pressed wood shelf from a storage unit that's not being used, cut apart an old cutting board and staple gunned the hell out of everything!

I have a temporary lid on it right now.

Anastasia looks pleased!

***************

You know how I've talked before about Operation Christmas Child?

Well, here's my new area that I keep all my supplies.

Yeah, those are all filled to the brim.

That's a crapload of stuff!

The kids should be happy!

We've already started on next years boxes. We've got about 50 so far. They're not complete though. I still need soap and washclothes and whatnot for them. But, since this is a year long thing for myself and Light, it'll get done.

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Speaking of the shoebox stuff.....a couple of weekends ago, we went to this discount store. Kind of like a Ross's or a TJ Maxx, but waaaaaaaaay down on the ladder. It doesn't look like much from the outside and sometimes you go there and the deals suck, but this time? PAY DIRT!

50 embroidered belts at 5 CENTS a piece and in total, 6 tubes of lip stuff (chapstick and lipstick)....all for LESS THAN SIX DOLLARS!!!!!

Pretty frickin' awesome!

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Have y'all ever seen my international rings that I wear almost every day?

No?

Well then, here you go.

On my ring finger is a cladagh ring (Irish)that I got in Epcot.

On my index finger is a crown ring (English) that I got in the Quarter in New Orleans......

and on my right hand, a Greek key ring.....straight outta Greece! Thanks to my Aunt C, that is.

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One downside to this new job?

When someone rents the building for a dinner or a banquet, the smell of the food cooking is DRIVING ME CRAZY! I'm so hungry for BBQ right now thanks to the people that are doing a dinner here tonight. They started cooking a couple of hours ago and my stomach is YELLING AT ME!!!

***************

Later,

Reason #176 Why I Love My Daughter

Well, we all know she rocks. She truly does.

Tuesday morning, when I was getting ready for work and she was sitting on the couch waiting for our neighbors to pull down to the end of the driveway (indicating it's time for the bus), we were watching part of the Today show.

They were talking about Sarah Palin's new book that was coming out and made a mention that it was 400 pages long.

I said, "What on earth could she have to say that would cause a book to be 400 pages long?" and my incredibly clever daughter replied,

"The book must be large print."

***************

Speaking of my incredibly clever, talented and simply gorgeous daughter, she has a new post up at her blog.

It's poetry. Please be gentle to my budding poet.

Click HERE to go there.

Later,

RTT

It's Tuesday.

You know what that means.




So.......cow weighing watch commences. No cow weighing today.

***************

You know what, I just realized you have absolutely NO CLUE what that means.

I failed to tell you what my new job is.

I now work for an Extension service for a big university here in my lovely state. I'm the office associate.

I basically answer phones, schedule rentals for the building, type up stuff, e-mail stuff, mail stuff, clean stuff, help people with stuff.

BUT.......what I'm highly anticipating.....and what they PROMISED me I could help with......which now that I think about it, most people might not want to do.....is I get to help weigh COWS! And other livestock!

Weighing cows. It doesn't get any cooler than that.

Ain't life grand?

***************

I had a strange dream last night.

It involved this guy:

and my best friend from high school. Somehow, I ended up with this guy but Jenny either had been involved with him and still liked him or just like him. It was a weird love triangle and I woke up feeling so guilty. We were never really interested in the same guys in high school. I stuck to dumb jocks and she stuck to smart actors. It was just a weird feeling I woke up with. I'm sure there's a deeper meaning, but I really don't care to explore what it might be.

***************

Sigh.......I wanna weigh some cows.

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Know what's happening here at work this morning? The 4-H club is making sweet potato log rolls. If you've never had one of these, let me tell you something. They are heaven all wrapped up in plastic.

I mean, the office is smelling soooooooooooooooooooo delicious right now. I just ate breakfast and am really not hungry, but the smell is making me hungry.

I just better not gain back any of that weight I lost earlier this year.

***************

Later,

Dear So and So

Dear Me,

You can tell how much you've adapted to living in the country when you find yourself showering with a dog skull in the tub with you and you don't even bat an eye.

Scratching Head in Wonderment,

Me

****************

Dear Current Job,

Today is my last day with you. You've been........interesting to say the least. I'll miss all of the weird and wacky conversations my co-workers have had that they don't know I've been privy to since I've always got my earbuds in. Yeah, I don't keep the volume up THAT high on my iPod. I've heard EVERYTHING!!!! Mwah, hah, hah, hah, hah!!!!!

Sayonara,

Me

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Dear New Job,

Thank you for being 15 minutes away from my house instead of the 2 hour round trip drive I do every day with my soon to be former job.

Thank you for giving me 2 weeks off at Christmas...WITH pay.

Just.....thanks.....in general.

I hope we'll get along!

See you Monday at 8 a.m.,

Me

***************

Dear Sonic Breakfast Burrito,

Thank you for being so yummy.

Love,

My stomach and taste buds

***************

Dear Mom,

Next time you want to buy me a breakfast burrito from Sonic to take to work the next morning, I'll just take a junior one. The regular ones are too big (that's what she said!).

Thanks mommy!

Love,

Me

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Dear Last Day of Work,

Please don't be one of those LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG days.

Grateful in Advance,

Me

***************
Dear iPod,

Thank you so much for playing my songs this morning in the most random order I've ever experienced.

Here's a sampling:

Bloody Valentine-Good Charlotte
Buttons-Pussycat Dolls
Teddy Bear-Elvis Presley
It's Still Rock and Roll-Billy Joel
Come On and Dance-Steve Miller Band
Woman-Maroon 5
Manic Monday-The Bangles
Banana Boat Song-Harry Belafonte
I'm in Love with a Stripper-T-Pain

You rock,

Me

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If you want to play along, click here.



Later,

Is It Hot In Here Or Is It Just Me?

Ok.

Don't judge me.

But these are my latest crushes.

Kevin Rankin from "Trauma"

Cliff Curtis from "Trauma"

Robert Knepper from "Heroes" and "Prison Break"
(yes, T-Bag......shut up)


John Slattery from "Mad Men"




Taylor Schilling from "Mercy"

Who are your most recent crushes?

Later,

Randomness Abounds

It's Tuesday and you know what that means!!!!!!!!



Click to read and enjoy. And maybe even join in.

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Here's Light's jack-o-lantern.

I've been letting her design it for the past 5 years. Whatever she draws, I cut.

She's got such an imagination.

I simply adore the mouth. It was a bitch to cut, but it turned out great.

And I'm such a lazy mom...we didn't do the pumpkin until Saturday. The day of Halloween.

Sigh.....she'll forgive me one day.

Hopefully.

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I got an e-mail from a friend today. It's one that's been passed around before, but I died laughing at one of the "facts".

"If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb."

Dude, I've passed enough gas in my life to wipe Poughkeepsie off the map!

***************

I woke up this morning to the sound of a cat vomiting.

Happy Tuesday!

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When I went to go take my shower this morning, I found a Barbie pool party going on.

I also found Barbie sized underware just randomly tossed around the tub.

Those Barbies are sluts.

***************

I gave the dogs a bath last night.

In the tub in my house.

Max is only like 25 lbs, so that wasn't too bad.

Nikki is over 50 lbs.

I'll let you use your imagination on that one.

It wasn't pretty.

But at least they don't smell like ass anymore.

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I'll now leave you with one of my favorite songs from the Romeo + Juliet soundtrack.

Later,

Reason # 342 Why I Love My Child

When asked by an elderly lady if she was a bee, she replied...


...."No ma'am, I'm a MONARCH butterfly."



Halloween costume, 2009

Ever seen a butterfly....excuse me, a MONARCH butterfly....with attitude?

How was your Halloween?

Later,

Dear So and So

Dear Lady Walking In Front Of Me This Morning On The Way Into Work:

You know, the sidewalk is made wide enough that two people can walk side by side. Or if that's too uncomfortably close, you can at least walk past a slower walking person.

However, that little fact seemed to have eluded you this morning. Instead, you were bobbing and weaving from side to side worse than Sugar Ray.

Did you not notice me breathing down your neck as I tried to pass you?

Irritated,

Mama Dawg

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Dear Co-Worker That Got Pissed At Another Co-Worker For Wanting To Lock The Door:

Yeah, I don't blame them. I would feel like you might steal my shit, too.

Shut your trap and sit down like a good little girl.

No one wants to hear from you. Especially since you're a known liar.

Trust me, Elvis was NEVER married to your aunt......no matter what she said.

Again Irritated,

Mama Dawg

***************

Dear Captain Dumbass and Middle-Age Woman:

Thank you. Thank you so much for this. It made my day!

Grateful Zombie Lover,

Mama Dawg

***************

Dear Max,

Can you learn to speak human? I need to know what's going on with your foot. You're limping but I can't see the source for the limp.

Concerned,

Mama Dawg

***************

Dear Clock,

Can you please be 2:45?

Bored,

Mama Dawg


Wanna play along?

Click on the button.



Later,

BETRAYED.....I've Been BETRAYED!!!!!

Oh, the horror. I've been betrayed in the worst possible way.

It's too much to talk about.

I'm still hurt.

Every time I think of it, I literally shake my head to make the thoughts fly out of my ever racing mind.

I can't believe she did that.

Scratch that, I can't believe she DIDN'T do that.

It's too much. Just too much.

The trust is gone.

*POOF*

Gone.

I don't know how I'm ever going to trust anything she ever says again.

My own mother.

Betrayer extraordinaire.

I came home on Monday afternoon and asked about the rat.

She said, "Why do you want to know?"

I just told her I was curious how she killed it.

She asked again why I wanted to know.

I told her as long as I didn't have to SEE it happening, it didn't bother me. Did she beat it to death? Find something toxic to feed it? Broke its tiny neck? I mean, she did SAY that she was going to kill it. Not take care of it, but actually used the word KILL.

All she simply said was that its now in a box in a bag hanging from a nail on the front porch and that on Wednesday, I was to just add it to the regular trash.

Gross, I know, but we can't toss the dead body in the woods. The dogs will drag it back out.

So, yesterday afternoon, my curiosity got the better of me.

I took the bag down off the nail and took the box out. I tore off the Scotch tape and peered inside.

Totally expecting to see blood and guts and yuckiness all around.

What I did not expect to see was a LIVE FUCKING RAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She didn't do it! She didn't kill it!

She betrayed me!

I was totally expecting to see a dead rat and it WASN'T FUCKING DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, I did the only thing I could do......I found my duct tape and duct taped that box till it was nothing but a big silver rectangle.

I then taped the bag shut around the box.

At least I had the balls to suffocate it.

And after all that talk about how since she grew up in the country, it was easier for her to take care of stuff like that since it was how she grew up.

Gah........betrayer!

Later,



(P.S. I'm really not mad at her, but it did throw me for a loop)